Wednesday, April 7, 2010

i deserve it

i have forever struggled with my body image... since about 5th grade.  my first year of college i was in the best shape of my life (size 6 sometimes even a 4) and i thought i was fat.  to make matters worse i thought everyone else thought i was fat too, and wouldn't like me because of it.  with each pregnancy i've just gotten bigger and bigger.  hating myself more each time, but not feeling like there's anything i could do about it.  i love to workout and i workout hard.  i've run 1/2 marathons and done resistance training and never lost more than a couple pounds.  i would blame it on the food that i just can't resist.  the tuesday after my birthday my life changed.  i want to share it with everyone for a couple reasons.  someday when my daughters read this (i hope to have my blog printed into a book) i want them to understand that being a girl in this world can be hard, but their not alone.  i hope and pray they each love their bodies, but just in case one of them struggles like i did i need them to know i understand and they're not alone.  next, i know i'm not the only one who has felt this way, so if i can help just one of you then it's all worth it!!!  also, this will be a big part of my life so i feel like i should document it.  and just to be clear...this isn't about "looking hot".  don't get me wrong that's definitely and added bonus, but my real quest is to have a healthy body and to be comfortable in my own skin.  to have my body match how i feel on the inside.  (2 years ago i had my cholesterol tested and it came back on the cutoff line between normal and high.)

on march 9th i started a program called Live the Life by KristiApproved.com.  i'm not going to go into the details of the program because it's a lot of information, but basically the program tells you exactly what to eat, when to eat it and has a detailed workout schedule.  i have been eating so healthy and doing awesome workouts that have a specific purpose.  i've lost 7.5 pounds, .5 inches in my waist, and 1 inch in my hips.  besides the physical changes, the mental and emotional changes have surprised me even more.  i have so much more energy.  i'm happier.  and the most amazing thing is i now know I DESERVE IT!!!  i used to go to bed every night feeling guilty and angry at myself for not having more self control.  now i go to bed every night so proud of myself!  i 100% turn to sweets when i'm stressed.  i already knew that before, but it became so obvious this past week.  i had stuck to my eating plan perfectly until last wednesday.  that day we were waiting to find out if derek got a job he interviewed for, which is a great job, but means we would be moving again... it was a very stressful day and i cheated and ate treats.  the rest of the whole week was stressful and it was a rough week for me and my food plan.  i gained .4 lbs.  i now have a plan to deal with my stress differently.  i realized that i would justify eating crappy because "i was stressed".  but really... life is stressful.  if i justify eating unhealthy because i'm stressed i will end up weighing 500 pounds!! ha ha


so the initial program is 12 weeks long.  i am currently on week 5 and i will post before and after pictures after the 12 weeks is over.  

13 comments:

Mekelle said...

Angie...I love you to death! I think you are such a beautiful and amazing woman inside and out. I have always looked to you for inspiration.I think we all have thoughts like you have. I have had those thought my WHOLE life. I want my daughter to be happy with herself for who she is...I love you and think you are great, I love you the way you are, EXACTLY how you are. But I know how important it is to be happy with yourself. I am here to cheer you on every step of the way! Go Angie! You Rock!

Jaimie said...

Thanks for sharing this today. I needed to read this. To know someone else is struggling the way I am to. I totally relate to everything you said You totally inspire me! I am so proud of you.

rachaeljanae said...

I think all women struggle with this at some level, even those considered a normal weight. Keep fighting the good fight! You do deserve to feel good about yourself.

Katherine said...

Good for you! Thanks for sharing something that we ALL relate to.

The Evers Family said...

I am so proud of you! I really am. I can't wait to see the pictures. I am a total emotional eater too. It ends up just making me more emotional too, so I need to make a plan like you have. You're awesome! Congrats again on the job. wahoo!

Judy said...

Thanks for the post! I am going to check it out!! I totally know how you feel - you DO deserve it!!!

Katie Hansen said...

We all face things that seem beyond us or are beyond us. Thanks for the inspiration of facing things head on. I'm so proud of you. Keep it up!

JaNeil said...

Good luck with your program. I too have struggled with body image since I started maturing. I am looking forward to having this baby and getting back into shape. Motherhood is a great sacrifice as we allow our bodies to not be our bodies and more of an incubator. I know I will never weigh what I did when Dan and I married and he knows it too, but my goal is to feel more comfortable with me and healthy and maybe get Dan to lose a few pounds too.

angie said...

thanks everyone for your support!!

JaNeil... that's the thing i used to always say to myself. that i can't get down to what i used to be. but YOU CAN if you want to!!! but really the important thing is to be healthy and happy. and that doesn't always take getting your 20 year old body back! ;) (for me it does! ha ha)

starcakeastrology.blogspot.com said...

rock on! it takes true self-examination to recognize the need for change and courage to make that change!

Christina Mangelson said...

Angie you amaze me more and more every single day. You inspire me and I am so grateful you are my BEST friend. Love you!

Bleak's said...

I couldn't have said that better myself! I hope to feel comfortable in my skin one day too. It will just be a little longer before I can get started. :)

jasmine said...

I READ UR BLOG.. AND SAW A CHARECTOR AS EXACTLY AS MY WIFE... (MY WIFE DIES TO REDUCE HER WEIGHT) AND I LIKED YOUR CAPTION AND I USED BY CHANGING THE WAY U WROTE ËVERYTHING Z FUNNY WHEN IT HAPPENZ TO SOMEBODY"ISNT IT MORE EAZY?..THANKS