i deserve it

i have forever struggled with my body image... since about 5th grade.  my first year of college i was in the best shape of my life (size 6 sometimes even a 4) and i thought i was fat.  to make matters worse i thought everyone else thought i was fat too, and wouldn't like me because of it.  with each pregnancy i've just gotten bigger and bigger.  hating myself more each time, but not feeling like there's anything i could do about it.  i love to workout and i workout hard.  i've run 1/2 marathons and done resistance training and never lost more than a couple pounds.  i would blame it on the food that i just can't resist.  the tuesday after my birthday my life changed.  i want to share it with everyone for a couple reasons.  someday when my daughters read this (i hope to have my blog printed into a book) i want them to understand that being a girl in this world can be hard, but their not alone.  i hope and pray they each love their bodies, but just in case one of them struggles like i did i need them to know i understand and they're not alone.  next, i know i'm not the only one who has felt this way, so if i can help just one of you then it's all worth it!!!  also, this will be a big part of my life so i feel like i should document it.  and just to be clear...this isn't about "looking hot".  don't get me wrong that's definitely and added bonus, but my real quest is to have a healthy body and to be comfortable in my own skin.  to have my body match how i feel on the inside.  (2 years ago i had my cholesterol tested and it came back on the cutoff line between normal and high.)

on march 9th i started a program called Live the Life by KristiApproved.com.  i'm not going to go into the details of the program because it's a lot of information, but basically the program tells you exactly what to eat, when to eat it and has a detailed workout schedule.  i have been eating so healthy and doing awesome workouts that have a specific purpose.  i've lost 7.5 pounds, .5 inches in my waist, and 1 inch in my hips.  besides the physical changes, the mental and emotional changes have surprised me even more.  i have so much more energy.  i'm happier.  and the most amazing thing is i now know I DESERVE IT!!!  i used to go to bed every night feeling guilty and angry at myself for not having more self control.  now i go to bed every night so proud of myself!  i 100% turn to sweets when i'm stressed.  i already knew that before, but it became so obvious this past week.  i had stuck to my eating plan perfectly until last wednesday.  that day we were waiting to find out if derek got a job he interviewed for, which is a great job, but means we would be moving again... it was a very stressful day and i cheated and ate treats.  the rest of the whole week was stressful and it was a rough week for me and my food plan.  i gained .4 lbs.  i now have a plan to deal with my stress differently.  i realized that i would justify eating crappy because "i was stressed".  but really... life is stressful.  if i justify eating unhealthy because i'm stressed i will end up weighing 500 pounds!! ha ha


so the initial program is 12 weeks long.  i am currently on week 5 and i will post before and after pictures after the 12 weeks is over.  

new callings........

when we moved in september we only moved across the street, but it feels like we moved 100 miles away. it's silly how i hardly see my old neighbors when i didn't move far at all. another thing that makes it feel so far is that we're in a different ward and a different stake. you know what switching wards means...yup. new callings. derek and i each had a really bad feeling about the callings we were going to get. the #1 calling derek never wanted was to be scout master. he didn't do and/or like scouts growing up (except for the camp outs). he never earned a merit badge or anything. and come on...now he has ALL GIRLS! well, he got called to be the scout master! ha ha a friend of mine moved out of the ward last week and she was the primary chorister. i KNEW i was going to take her place...and i was right. at first i was totally freaking out about it, but i think i'll be ok. lucky for my my sis-in-law, mother-in-law, and good friend (yes, i'm talking about you dd) have all been in my shoes, so hopefully i'll get good ideas from them.

oh, and our new bishop was not trying to get on our good side. after giving us the dreaded callings he asked us to speak in sacrement meeting! ha ha

my week so far

first of all i have decided to weigh in on saturday morning. i take sunday off, so i feel like monday isn't that accurate. and saturday is after a week of working out!! so from now i will be posting my weight loss on saturdays.

sunday i finally put a headband on alexis. it the first time she's "had her hair done". i have to admit...it looked pretty cute.

we have a reward/punishment system set up in our house for katelyn and annie. i bought a bunch of those rocks you put in a fish tank, or in a hurricane lamp etc, and i got each girl a jar. whenever they do something helpful on their own, or if asked they do it without whinning they get X amount on rocks. it works really well. they girls both make their beds every morning and help out with chores around the house without TOO much complaining. anyway, when they get their jar filled to the top they get something. 2 times ago they earned new razon scooters. the reward is usually something really good because it takes them a long time to fill up the jars. oh, if they are really bad the jar gets totally dumped out. example...i told annie it was time to come inside and she stood on the porch (where all the neighbors could see her) and yelled, no screamed, "NO, you're so mean, nobody else has to come inside. i hate you." ya, that was a time annie's jar was about an inch from the top and i dumped the whole thing out. she hasn't done that again!! anyway, the reason i'm telling you all about this is #1 a friend asked me to post a picture of the jars. #2 the girls both filled their jars last week and they wanted MP3 players. monday night i was up until 1am putting music on the MP3 players for them.

earlier on monday i went to the church to play ultimate frisbee with some of my friends. holy cow that is a killer work out. and it's SO FUN. my plan is to play that monday, wednesday, and friday. well, it was my plan...unfortunately on wednesday i went to play and seriously 30 seconds into the game i jumped up to catch the frisbee and when i came down i landed on another girls foot and SPRAINED MY STINKIN' ANKLE. holy cow that hurt...it was SO painful, but i didn't say one swear word!!! i tried so hard to be tough...i got a little teary eyed when i started thinking about my girls though. i was feeling overwhelmed thinking about all the things i need to do, but couldn't without being able to walk. like take sami potty, and carry the baby. i have such a great friend here who brought me home, got me situated, changed alexis's diaper, took sami to her house and fed her lunch, and then luckily derek was able to come home from work. he is so fabulous. i seriously only got off the couch 2 times the whole day, and derek took care of everything. he did make me put my foot in a bucket of ice water 3 times every 4 hours. that doesn't feel good at all, but it totally helps with the swelling. now today i can sorta walk on it. i look seriously handicapped, but at least i can get around. derek had to go to work today, so i had to be able to walk. luckily katelyn and annie don't have school today or tomorrow. usually i wouldn't be excited about that, but they are such good helpers so it's been really nice. and they feel bad their mom's hurt, so they're being really good! i'm pretty annoyed about this whole situation, because working out is out the window now for a couple weeks. i'm going to have to be so good about what i eat. sheesh!

sami found this box in the store room, and it seriously kept her entertained for hours. if i would've know she would play with it for so long i would have given her a box forever ago!!